and Marc's sitski design, in Sun Valley
To be honest, I think these pics are an attempt to: "See, I am doing something edifying." Defend myself, in other words. ...to...myself?
So, I suppose I should elaborate a bit. I will agree that these are pics of me having fun, or in the least enjoying myself. A nagging voice in my head labels the post: "selfish". And then I proclaim that selfish is bad, and should be avoided. Thus, continuing said activities should be avoided. Where I hope the posting deviates from selfish, is in that I am engaged in these activities which help others. Incidentally, One pic post, I missed, was the trip to Pullman for the Cougar Crew 50th (mostly because I don't have pictures) -I suppose I am still talking to myself... I may be trying to convince myself to stop critiquing myself. yeah. because in-between these shots, I am going back to bed when the others leave the house. Additionally, It can take four days to make an appointment to get the tires rotated. My "in-between pics" actions, basically because of fear. fear of stuff I have created; stories, narratives, "failure" creates in activity - non edifying activity. Anyway, I do think it is fair, that compared to pics like these, sweeping the floor, and other household chores, pale in comparison, and it is a different effort needed to engage in the "menial tasks". Rather intriguing that "menial tasks" take so much less effort than all the effort surrounding the pics (Manicured snow and ice, chair lifts, distance travelled, organizing schedules of other people, etc.) Yet, building motivation is so much more difficult to do those thigs which require so much less effort to accomplish... And "menial tasks" should be deemed edifying. Maybe this rant is about me judging what is edifying and what is not. Well, that is where I am.
Large patches of white are lingering. As a skier, it makes skiing look a possibility. For someone who wants to enjoy the water, it is less positive. And it may not instill the urge to ride for cyclists, yet if one felt the air temperature, one may quickly switch to thoughts of rides.
I feel guilty. I also feel old. It bothers me, that I am not partaking in all these activities alluded to here. Add to this, the DAV Winter Sports Clinic is this week (which stirs the thoughts that are so buried and far away). Instead, I am focusing on the aches in my body. Also, the limits - I cannot ride 20 miles on a whim. My bed is comfy, I can lay in bed for quite a while. I can also take in entertainment in the form of podcasts on comedy history and entertainment culture, videos of history or sporting events, then be interested in geographical locations brought up leading to google Map searches, and so much more (like actual produced shows). This leads to the conflict in my head of what is edifying. Where will I be satisfied?
The kids, are not really kids anymore. The twins are 19, and Keelie starts high school in the fall. This fact weighs in on my mood. It really helps me feel "old" anyway. Which then leads me to feel insecure about what I am doing. Yet does not seem to give me that motivation to go "do". Just don's sink the boat that I built to keep afloat.
