I am a broken record on that topic. "All right we get it Sean, things change." I noticed this space has been a log of sorts. ....with lots of gaps. It is interesting in that it has much potential, yet we have not used all its potential. Instead, we have used other spaces. I think this space encourages editing and putting in effort, whereas the other spaces, like FaceBook, or Instagram, require much less effort. To blog, I feel I should not simply blurt out, or vent. I feel I should be writing a rough draft then, editing. All that work! (seriously? is it really all that hard?) -I wonder- Would I have used this medium more fully, had I been exposed when I was college age, or just out of college? or High School? Is all this on my blog recorded for me? Or am I hoping someone else sees? is it useful to me? I think I want to believe that this blog is for family and friends. That it is a way for us to interact. But is it effective for that purpose? Maybe too polished; too "formal" -because I come up short in the presentation. I mean, now, all the typos are more glaring. The words used can be critiqued. In other words, the shortfalls become more glaring; more impactful. Aaannd now I'm spending too much time second guessing and attempting to be more clear.
I do tend to treat this space as a journal, or diary. Yet, I suppose it shows, that I should not do that. I became aware of its limitations as a diary. for one, I should not put down unedited thoughts in a community space. I have a difficult time editing myself in a productive way. (Now I think I am writing this for a "future me"). How permanent is this space? I have to admit I was a little surprised that I could still log in. I'm still deciding what this blog thing is.
My "old guy" brain still cannot wrap itself around the digital age. Its impact on us. How dependent we are on it, What we can expect from it.
Right now:(with my lack of preparation, and with what is important to me, result: facts are lacking)
Ethan and Rileigh are enrolled in classes at NIC. They are Jr.s in high school at this point. I am not sure the title of this situation. Dual enrolled? They are on a schedule where MWF is different from T,Th, and class is held at NIC, but sometimes on line.
Keelie is enrolled at Hayden Canyon Charter. She has a more standard primary school schedule of off to school at 7, done by 4, Fridays off.
Sarah is the curriculum director at HCC. -which most people interpret as vice principal.
Impactful events This past year:
In June, a few days before his birthday, Clark passed away. I'm still "raw", and I'm still working out what this means to me. Guilt, loss, lethargy, detachment..... all these things. Switch the order around however we like, i.e.; Detachment, loss, lethargy, guilt. And then jumble them up again. That's what my brain is doing whenever the topic arises.
Mom and Dad will be moving to South Carolina in Nov. -still a gut punch to me. Though I am logically aware that this type of thing is normal, that this is OK. I think the reality is, that I thought I had a picture of what the future was going to look like, and this messes up my predictions in a tangible way.
COVID-19 arrived last spring. A strange, lethal flu arrived on the American continent sometime around FEB. Earlier, It had hit China and Italy hard. We were not and are not prepared. But it's vagueness has undermined a lot. It has disrupted our "way of life". It's literal effects to my family can be felt at "arms reach", or in other words: we know somebody who knows somebody that got really sick. Regardless, it has disrupted all schedules. As for us, We did not take a summer trip to the east coast, Ethan did not go to the water polo summer camp. We have not had the kids at school- on campus in a normal way since March. We are avoiding crowds, and activities which promote gatherings had stopped. (The summer Olympics/Paralympics have been pushed to next summer, and there are no scheduled ParaNordic competitions this winter) I'm fine, however it is feeding my lethargic side. Although, it has encouraged me to ride more.... and would I have had the time to explore blogspot?
Time
COVID has adjusted my concept of time, or how to fill it. My focus is much more local. Additionally, I have been exposed to "podcasts". -people talking and recording it. They talk more freely than if they were interviewed.
Last year was a "Low year" for me.(this is not a precise timeline, it is not a fiscal year, nor an exact 365day period, but an inexact period of time) 2019 may have rivalled 1999. Remember I suffered the spinal cord injury in Oct of '98, and the rods to "fix me" got infected? Only 5 surgeries or so to remedy the situation. But they were big enough to me. All thoracic and, 10 or so hrs each, under the knife. More impactful was the drastic change in daily expectations. As for 2018/2019 there was no dramatic injury, the drama came from not competing in ParaNordic skiing anymore. I had found an honorable place in competing in international adaptive sport. But it is intense. You cannot just do it half heartedly. It seems I was judged to not put in enough effort. I also chose to not put more effort into it. That may be where the real hit to me was. In other words, no one really kicked me out, or let me go. I chose to not step up to the challenge. To be fair to me, the bar is set pretty high, there are not many people who can accept that challenge. Also, I may have "skated" into the world of international competition and had an unrealistic perception of the expectations. Regardless, in '19, my training was no longer the motivation in our house. I now had to fit my activities around the requirements of the house. In this way, I have become more sedentary, less physically active.
Also, we enrolled the twins at Gonzaga Prep, and I was supposed to facilitate Keelie's home schooling. Sarah worked for WSU in a STEM program in the Spokane area school districts. I spent a lot of time in the Sienna, and flailing at being a teacher. Many opportunities were squandered. Many days where I assessed that I had not maximized my time with Keelie. Driving back and forth to G-Prep thinking: "ah, I coulda/shoulda..."
This is a synopsis of the past "year". I guess I'll see if I add to this or not. -when I read this a few years from now, and remember how I wanted to use these tools to "do something".
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