It is so easy to consume my time with something that is already created.

    My go-to earlier today was YouTube and what is available through that service regarding college football games. I do spend a fair amount of time watching the highlights, and recorded games available on YouTube. I don't know how it works, I don't know why it works, I simply know I can click on YouTube and soon I am watching games. Tragically, I am to the point where I am hard pressed to remember what I just watched. I find an interest as I scan YouTube, a team to root for as it were. But when Sarah asks what I am watching, that interest seems rather silly.

    Today, for example, I was watching the highlights from South Dakota Sate and Southern Illinois. (I think the game was played last weekend) The Jack rabbits vs the Salukis. I had no idea who these teams were. Ethan, looking over my shoulder as I was watching on the computer in the kitchen, asked if this was division II. I don't know-which helps illustrate that I had no idea who these teams were. I am aware that these are small schools. That said, I am impressed with the Jack Rabbit field: it is rather impressive for the population of South Dakota, in my opinion. My first thought would be a large high school stadium, maybe even a Joe Albi, but this was more like Martin stadium in Pullman. What I do like about this level of competition, is that these guys are not "as perfect" as the guys the big stations are broadcasting on Sat - these smaller school's teams are all a little more human than the D I powerhouses like Alabama, Michigan, UW, etc. Regardless, I had very little invested in this game. I was aware that SDSU are the Jack Rabbits, yet if this had been a "fill in the blank" test, I probably would have gotten it wrong. But I had NO idea: 1. there is a Southern Illinois University, 2. what is a Saluki? I had an easier time wrapping my brain around a Southern Illinois University. I mean, Illinois has a lot of people in and around it, so it stands to reason that there are enough people around to make a Southern Illinois school. Incidentally, when one searches SDSU, San Diego State pops up first, then UCLA, USD, and some other Cal schools. This simply to say that South Dakota has a small population, thus a smaller school system. so much so that a City school has more popularity. Anyway, through some research I discover a Saluki is a breed of dog. A dog  apparently bred for hunting in the "fertile valley", whish seems to mean an area of Egypt and Tigris and Euphrates region. Cool. So, I got something "educational" out of my inactivity. Useful? most likely not. "neat"? sure. The word of the day is: was it edifying? And that is the conundrum. I am really struggling with purpose, usefulness, etc. So easy to "consume" product already created. And then what am I contributing? How much am I required to contribute?  Is consuming and discovering Salukis and Jack Rabbits enough?

The struggle with contribution and purpose I think is punctuated with age. I am looking at photos of the kids, and other example like foot prints in concrete (the stepping stones from Grammies garden). I think these things illustrate what could have been, what was, and where are we now. I mean, I have always watched, appreciated, product already created, but now there is so much content in my "memory catalogue". It seems to make me pause and reflect, to judge, and ask what is it for -is it worth it? How much am I entitled to?